My tests weren’t perfect and now there will be more tests. The area where the cancer used to be is still clear and looking great, however there is some unusual swelling of the lymph nodes in my chest. It could be nothing. It could easily be nothing. But of course I’m at risk, so they want to do everything they can to rule out cancer. Next step is to see a new specialist and probably get a biopsy.
I’m doing the best when I’m alone, being present with myself and how I feel. Every single time someone tells me something about how they believe things will turn out, “I just know everything will be okay!” that brings me out of this place of presence and strengthens the pathway to future-thinking and the “what if” thoughts that cause more pain. Being around other people is hard for that reason, and pretty much only that reason. So I’m turtle shelling and finding my calm place of truth and presence. I take refuge in the truth, and how I feel in this moment. And this moment. And this moment. And this one. 🙂