I’ve finally stopped taking pain pills and can think clearly enough to read and write. My backside is taking longer to heal than was projected. I went in two weeks ago to have stitches removed and the doc said to wait a week. I went in last week and he said the same. I went in yesterday and had a little over half of them removed, but a row remains where the skin is not healing. If I hadn’t had the grafting of skin from my stomach moved down there, the wound would have reopened instead of healing. I’m glad that was done at the time of surgery so that I didn’t need two different operations.
I’m still unable to sit. Being stuck laying down is good and bad. The good part is that besides bills, there isn’t much stress in my life right now. My family has been a great support, helping out and keeping our stress down. Being forced to relax is a good thing for me. I’m the type of person that takes a week off of work to do other work. The bad part is there’s not much I can do while I’m stuck on my back. I’ve watched so much television that I can predict what’s going to happen in every show with pretty good accuracy. After a month of relaxing I feel like I’ve had a hard reset. All of my bad habits are broken. As I return life I’ll be starting over and I’ll have the opportunity to form new and better habits. Silver linings are a joke. I just say them so other people don’t feel as sad. They have no bearing on my emotional state.
In cancer news, I’ve been told I will likely need another round of chemo across the next several months. I’ll be meeting with my oncologist soon to consult about my chemo future. It’s a precautionary measure in case the cancer landed anywhere else in my body. It’s one final round of chemo and then in about six months I’m hopefully done with all of this. I say that while wishing I could also be done with the colostomy bag, but it’s here to stay. I think I’m emotionally adjusted to it, but physically it will take some time. I had an itch under the bag that I couldn’t scratch and it lasted all day yesterday. I don’t mind the mechanics of it all. I don’t mind the look of it. It’s the feel that is going to take a lot for me to adjust to.
I haven’t had any more accidents since my last post. I changed to a type of bag that has a hard plastic mount around the stoma to keep the barrier from being compromised by my fatty fat folds. I’ve lost a ton of weight, I weigh less than I did in high school, but of course the only fat that remains is located just around the stoma and it messes with the barrier that holds the bag to my skin because the surface is hilly instead of being flat. Now that I have the stiff barrier, it feels like I have a robot part attached to me, but at least it’s doing it’s job. The bags also have a cloth surface rather than plastic. The plastic tends to be louder, like a diaper can sound when it moves, and it’s a clear window into the bag. The cloth is quieter and it means that I don’t see the contents of the bag. This is good. I don’t like looking at poop. Or more accurately, I don’t like how much time I spend curiously staring and poking at my own poop. And with how many doctors are constantly checking up on me, they can’t see my poop either.
I’m seriously looking forward to being able to sit, walk around more, and drive. I want to get back to life, please.