I spoke with my radiologist and he said that it’s unusual but not impossible for me to be starting menopause this soon. He mentioned if it were to happen quickly it would usually be at least six months down the road, but I should definitely have my hormones tested soon to be sure. From my own experience, I seem to be a lot more in tune with what’s going on with my body than I have previously thought.

About a year ago I had this strange idea that I might have cancer, but had no idea why I thought that so I passed it off as paranoia. And even though doctors were ignoring my reports of stomach problems, I still persistently asked to see a nutritionist and have allergy testing done because I was pretty sure my problems were food related, and it turned out they were. Last night when I was in bed with an ice pack on my neck trying to fall asleep, I was so hot and uncomfortable that I didn’t fall asleep until five in the morning. I do plan to get the tests done, but my body is telling me I’m starting the process. I predict this is menopause, and I also predict it’s going to be worse for me than the average woman. I hope for the best, and I expect the worst. I’m mentally as prepared for this as I can be.



About Kamina Kapow

I have dimples and friends

12 responses to “Bump.”

  1. Stefanie Pace says :

    I dream I can fly- just not particularly well. I’m not sure what that says about me when you think about how dreams are supposed to tell you something, but I can guess it’s probably not good.

    It’s never the exact same dream either, but it’s always similar situations. I run as fast as I can and jump into the air and sometimes I fly and sometimes I just fall flat on my face. Other times I start to fly, but it’s kind of like Atreyu and Artax in the Swamp of Sadness- if I BELIEVE I can fly, then I can soar like a bird but the second I start to falter and wonder if I can really fly is when I fall.

    • clumsythinker says :

      I had forgotten about this one, but now I remember you telling me about it. It’s one of my favorite dreams for how clearly it expresses what your brain wants you to know. There’s a voice in your head telling you how great you can be and that’s pretty cool.

  2. Tina Lucero Donnaloia says :

    Oh no! Now you are in for it! I have been wanting to keep a dream journal mostly because I realize some of my dreams would make really good movies!! Hee hee! I am a vivid dreamer and I usually remember EVERYTHING about them. Some times I am viewing the dream like you would view the world in real life, other times I am viewing from up above and other times like I am in an audience but I am watching me. Weird. Most of the time it is from slightly above what is happening. Any who, since so many friends are still in college, talking often about homework, essays and tests which make me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about, I will pretend this is my assignment! It’s so much easier for me to do something if it is for someone else 🙂 Fun fun! Can’t wait! Please be sure and stop me if you get tired of it! XO

    • clumsythinker says :

      I always enjoy your dream posts on facebook. I’m a vivid dreamer, too. My specialty is being able to recognize when I’m dreaming. My favorite memory of becoming lucid in a dream was when I stood perfectly still and watched the entire world change around me from being a scene indoors to a new location outdoors. It looked like something beyond my imagination, chairs sinking into the ground while trees grew up in their place… but I knew I was dreaming and so while it was happening I was aware that it was my mind creating it. It made me see how much more powerful my imagination is than I thought it had been.

      Your assignment will be graded pass/fail. If you turn it in, you pass.

  3. adayinthelifeofamiddleagewoman says :

    I used to remember my dreams vividly, but not so much anymore. Just occurred to me that I stopped remembering my dreams, after I stopped drinking. How weird is that?
    I did have a dream the other night that involved alligators. Lots of them. I was trying to avoid them, but they kept gnashing their teeth at me and snapping.

    Perimenopause sucks. Keep an ice-bucket by your bedside, and suck on ice-cubes when you get really hot. Lots of blood flows through your mouth…so it helps cool your whole body down. Same principle; hold an ice-cube against the inside of your wrist.

    • clumsythinker says :

      The opposite happened to me. My dreams were driving me crazy at one point and so I took up drinking to avoid them for a bit. As a kid I dreamed that if I walked into an alligators mouth it would wake me up. It always worked to escape nightmares.

      Thanks for the tips 🙂

  4. cardassianvole says :

    I’ve had only one recurring dream in my entire life, and that’s why I want to share it with you, as it’s personally the most interesting to me. I don’t typically have nightmares, so this is the most interesting it gets.

    My recurring dream never happens the same way twice. The common factor in all of them is that I am either watching a plane crash, or I am inside a plane (as a passenger) that is crashing. The circumstances always change, but there is always that. Here’s the kicker: the plane, when it hits the ground, always bounces. In a really comical way. It’s totally bizarre that I’ve had this dream for decades now, having seen all these planes nose-down bouncing off the ground like its a cartoon, or being inside the plane and feeling the bounce myself. The dream always ends in confusion, as what I’ve seen or experienced can’t be possible. I’ve actually come to welcome these dreams like an old friend. I’m hoping that now that I’ve talked to you about it, I’ll have another one, as I haven’t in a while.

    I don’t know which came first, the dream or what I’m about to tell you, but I have a strong belief that I am destined to witness a plane crash someday, right in front of my eyes. I don’t know which came first, but I’ve also held this belief for as long as I can remember.

    So there you go 🙂

    • clumsythinker says :

      I love recurring dreams, though I’ve never thought to take them literally. I’ve had many of them, and they all have something in common. They are all based around a hidden fear I have, and once I conquer that fear in the dream, I never have it again.
      When I was young I had a dream that repeated itself more than any other dream I’ve had. It was sometimes every night for a month, sometimes just once a week, but it lasted for years. I would find myself in the back seat of my mom’s car, alone, speeding down the highway. There’s this ramp downtown, if you’re coming in from beaverton (hwy 26) and you take the exit for 1-5 north you come up on a bridge, but just after you get on the ramp, the bridge turns to the left (just after that is the exit for Omsi). I was always at this same spot on the highway, and the car would drive itself off the bridge and into the water. It was terrifying.
      One night while having the dream I jumped into the front seat of the car and turned the wheel to avoid the crash, and I never had that dream again.

      After years of thinking on it, I think it represented a fear of not having my mom around to take care of me. When I turned the wheel, I saw I could be strong on my own.

      I think your dream is even more interesting than mine if you search for the metaphors in your life. What has happened to you that may have been as scary as a plane crash, that turned out to be much more comical once it was over? Or what fear do you have that you brain is trying to tell you, “no it’s not that scary, it’s more like a bouncing plane.” ?

      I just can’t leave a dream to mean something literal. That’s like ignoring the magic of a unicorn and just calling it a horse with a tall pointy hat.

      • cardassianvole says :

        I HATE that curve on the freeway, by the way! It’s legitimately scary!

        I have traced most of the roots of my dreams down to anxiety. One time in college, I had to go through spring break without knowing the results of an exam. That week, I dreamed that I was on a crashing plane. It was totally rickety, as planes go. Anyway, as it turned out, the plane was crashing because my dad had sabotaged it, and my geography professor was the pilot! Not difficult to figure out the metaphor for that one. Still not sure why my dad was sabotaging the plane, though. This was a year before he died.

        Anyway. I agree — I think dreams should never be taken literally!

  5. becomingamazon says :

    I recently dreamed a young moose charged me but when it reached me it nuzzled my hand and licked it. Later in the dream my boyfriend and I were walking on a wooden bridge when the part I just walked over collapsed leaving us separated. In the dream, it was going to be easy to get re-united, but time consuming and out of the way.


  6. adayinthelifeofamiddleagewoman says :

    My mom’s a ‘professional’ dream analyzer, she’s been doing it for as long as I can remember. Runs “Dream Groups” and that sort of thing.
    The one thing that always stuck with me in talking about dreams was the ‘question and answer’.

    Write down all the details of the dream just as soon as you can. The sooner you write things down after waking, the better.
    Then, after some time has passed (a day or so), go to what you wrote and take each component asking yourself “What does this mean to me?”. As you go through answering your questions, you inevitably start to see the real story behind your dream.
    The most incuous things in dreams having meaning. I don’t think there’s anything within any dream that’s irrelevant.

    Awesome post and I’ve loved reading all the responses 🙂

    Happy Dreaming.

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