thankful for you

I’ve been told I don’t complain enough for a cancer patient. It’s come from doctors,  technicians, family and friends. That’s something I like to hear. I’ve been told in my past that I complain too much, so it’s nice to know that I’ve changed so much and so deeply into my core that when cancer came along I managed to keep my complaining to a minimum without much effort on my part. It comes naturally to me to be a positive person, and that’s a change I’ve wanted to see in myself. It’s good to know that when faced with something that gives me plenty to grouse about I manage to lean toward the positive.

Staying positive has helped me keep a smile on my face when I might otherwise be miserable. Smiling is as great a medicine to my spirit as the pain-killers are to my butt. Laughter feels better than it ever has, and while I battle the cancer I find that a good laugh can uplift me like no pill can. That’s not to say I don’t complain, but I save it for when I really need it. When I feel horrible, anyone around me knows it, being a positive person doesn’t stop me from being open about how I feel. Being open about my emotions is not the same as complaining. I allow myself that without stigma.

Now more than ever the struggle is real. My emotional strength is being challenged more each day as I fight the urge to skip treatments and stay in bed. I have to be strong to get out of bed and get dressed and walk. Where my physical vitality fails me, my emotional power steps in and pushes me to keep moving. I can’t claim that strength as my own, I am fueled by the love and support of my family and friends. I am fueled by outside sources, because on my own I am weak. I had a lot of verve stored up and ready to use, but it only carried me so far. I’d be running on fumes if not for the compassion of those who love me.

My mom brought Thanksgiving to me this year, and it was wonderful. I slept through most of it, but it was so nice to still have a little bit of the holiday. My mom made the whole thing on her own (making sure there was stuff that was friendly to my new diet) and the rest of us cuddled on the couch watching science shows, MST3K, and a Lewis Black comedy special. I love this time of year. The holidays, for me, are something I look forward to because I love my family. I missed my extended family yesterday, but I would have just slept through the whole thing anyway. It was nice to have a cozy event that I could nap during without feeling like I was missing out on too much.

When I’m not sleeping (which is most of the time) I’m painting and beading. It’s exciting to see how much art I’ve accomplished in this short time. I didn’t think I’d do this well, so I’m quite pleased with myself. There will be lots of paintings and jewelry by me for sale at the holiday bazaar on December 9th, as well as some great arts and crafts by my talented circle of creative friends. Scarves, hats, glass jewelry, photography and more! I’m so appreciative of these giving friends. They are donating their hard work and giving the proceeds to me, and that is the type of selflessness that should be rewarded. I hope everyone will take note of the artists and continue to do business with them in the future, because these are the type of businesses and people that deserve your patronage.

Save the date!


About Kamina Kapow

I have dimples and friends

One response to “thankful for you”

  1. Amber Gregory says :

    Thank you for reminding me to smile and laugh, too. Every day you remind me that my silly little problems are just that. Every day is a gift!

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