on stress and relief
My surgeon ordered and MRI of my pelvis. I’m having that done Monday morning. This coming Wednesday is the radiation consultation. The Wednesday after is the Chemo consult. It’s coming. Sooner than I want it to. Today I found out the chemotherapy pills cost about as much as a fairly new car. EACH. MONTH. The insurance co-pay I’m responsible for is 20%. Turns out 20% of the cost of the pill each month is the same as our mortgage. We depend on both of our incomes for the mortgage and bills each month, so me being out of work will make it hard to pay the regular cost of living. Add medical expenses to that and I’m living the American dream. I think I’m about half-way through the paperwork for applying for disability. (update from 2015: I was never able to get disability.) The people at the cancer center that work with filling prescriptions are submitting an application for government assistance on the medications. I find out of Tuesday if I even qualify for that. It seems like I should, but there are probably plenty of people out there worse off than me that qualify more than I do. Of course I have the support of my mother who would sell her face to help pay my medical bills, but I prefer the government help. She has a pretty face and she deserves to keep it.
On a positive note, I haven’t felt this much of a creative fire in… never. I feel like I could write a poem while painting and photographing at the same time. I have a bottomless pit of emotion to work from. I want to braid hair and sew a new dress and knit some gloves. I want to record a song. I have one picked out, Mark is learning the chords on his uke. I have so many ideas right now it’s hard to even keep them straight enough, long enough to write them down. They’re zooming through my mind a rapid speeds, surely destined for a collision that will result in a freakish piece of art to creep out even the strongest of stomachs. I’m so dependent on art that I can’t imagine how anyone deals with their emotions without it. For me it could be likened to trying to breathe without lungs. Impossible!