Dr Kamina, Imagination Specialist
1. Giving one’s self an enema before breakfast (or any time, i’m sure) is not fun.
2. Being awake while one is pumped full of gas, fingers and tools up the butt is not fun.
3. Being told that the oncologist’s “worst case scenario” is what the surgeon calls “the most likely scenario” is not fun.
Are you ready to ride this roller coaster with me? I don’t have colon cancer, I have rectal cancer. It is almost certain I will be stuck with a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. It is most likely I will spend 6 months in radiation/chemotherapy before that surgery takes place. There’s a slight chance I might not need chemo/radiation, but no one’s betting on it. In any case, my butthole muscles have to be removed so I’ll have to wear the bag.
And MY diagnosis: All this torture will lead to me become a world-famous artist. Oh maybe you didn’t hear, I awarded myself a doctorate in imagination. So yes, I am qualified to diagnose my future.