Dr Kamina, Imagination Specialist

1. Giving one’s self an enema before breakfast (or any time, i’m sure) is not fun.

2. Being awake while one is pumped full of gas, fingers and tools up the butt is not fun.

3. Being told that the oncologist’s “worst case scenario” is what the surgeon calls “the most likely scenario” is not fun.

Are you ready to ride this roller coaster with me? I don’t have colon cancer, I have rectal cancer. It is almost certain I will be stuck with a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. It is most likely I will spend 6 months in radiation/chemotherapy before that surgery takes place. There’s a slight chance I might not need chemo/radiation, but no one’s betting on it. In any case, my butthole muscles have to be removed so I’ll have to wear the bag.

And MY diagnosis: All this torture will lead to me become a world-famous artist. Oh maybe you didn’t hear, I awarded myself a doctorate in imagination. So yes, I am qualified to diagnose my future.

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About Kamina Kapow

I have dimples and friends

11 responses to “Dr Kamina, Imagination Specialist”

  1. Markis Melarkis says :

    I especially agree with number three. 😦 I’ll be there to help you carry your poo bag, till death do us fart.

    I meant part.

  2. Tina Lucero Donnaloia says :

    We’ll have an extra chair at the table for your bag πŸ˜‰ I love you Kaminie!! I wish they weren’t being so mean to your butt but (hee hee) if it keeps you here with us, raising Hell and not taking it lying down (sorry, had to) then so be it! We’ll be here for you whenever you need us! But I’ll let Markis take care of the poo messes, I’m up to my eye balls in my world! LOVE YOU!

  3. cardassianvole says :

    You could make your fortune creating a handmade line of colostomy bag covers/cozies and selling them on Etsy!

  4. Stefanie says :

    Think how easy it’ll be the frighten the neighborhood kids and oh the awkward situations you’ll be able to create! I’m all about silver linings over here. =)

  5. Paula says :

    Oh honey! Rectal cancer! Is it colorectal? I am no fucking expert for reals, but I heard colon cancer is the one that spreads, so that makes me question if it was colon and now it’s colon and rectal, or if it’s just rectal. Now I read this and it makes me think you might freak out, I really am not great on saying the right thing at the right time. But I had a friend who had stage 4 colon cancer and it’s gone, except it spread to her liver which they are still fighting. The poi t isnit the colon part was operated on and treated and is gone. And if you’re only stage 1 or 2… Then it should be good and you are amazing and young and won’t put up with shit that cancer tries to give, so I love you and I am a socially awkward ass and probably said the wrong thing as usual, but I hope you still keep me around and stuff.

    • clumsythinker says :

      I don’t have colon cancer, just rectal. i mean, so far that’s what they say, but that could change tomorrow. it’s a roller coaster of information. I’m optimistic and just glad I get to live. And I like your awkward ass, don’t change a bit.

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