cancer doesn’t have manners
My Oncologist is nice. He had a naturopath shadowing him and was excited I am seeing one, but spent plenty of time making sure I understood the risk I’d be taking if I refused treatment and stuck with natural remedies only. I agreed with him initially, and then he went on to give me two examples of people who had, and I agreed again. He went on yet a third time, making sure I’m convinced. If it wasn’t as serious as cancer, this is the part where I’m offended the person doesn’t think I was being honest when I agreed, so I decide to take revenge by being contradictory and pretend I was lying and refuse to do what they want EVER. But since it’s my life I guess I can withhold snark this one time. I accept that he cares about me and wants the best for me, and maybe he’s sad about the outcome of the people who hadn’t listened to him so he wants to throw all his cards on the table in hopes I won’t go that route. It’s all reasonable.
From all the tests, scans, and exams, my Oncologist said he would be surprised if I was stage 2, he’s betting on stage 1, but we still won’t know until the ultrasound on Monday. There are some worse case scenarios that I’m not going to share at the risk of making people worry for nothing. But in my own words, worse case scenario, I live a long healthy life while being inconvenienced in some way physically. Not the life of my dreams, but as I have learned, hit pause, adjust dreams, hit play. The desire that my brain be placed in a robot body is not adjustable, but I don’t need all the dreams that involve leaving the house. I can finally have an excuse to be the hermit artist I’ve always secretly desired to be.
He asked me if I still had control over my bowel movements. (oh… … no…) I do, and I sure wasn’t worried about that until right that second. OH MY MATH I’m only 29, I should have control over my poo. Cancer, that’s ok. I’ll take all of that horribleness, but pooping myself is where I draw the line. No. NO NO NO NO NO. Oooh I think ignoring it sounds good. Let’s go with that. Everything is fine for now, let’s not cross that bridge till it’s poo-stained.